Four Horseman in a Relationship
                     BetterLYF.com
Four Horseman
in a Relationship
Four horsemen are negative interactive styles between
couples impacting their relationship. These styles tell us
about the probability of divorce according to the
research by Dr. John Gottman.
 
By identifying these Four Horsemen in your arguments or
conflicts, you can also find the antidotes to eliminate
them.
1. Criticism
 
 
Using statements that attack a
person's entire personality such as
“you never” or “you always” or
statements including “always” and
“never”
 
How to Manage - It is really
important how we criticize in our
relationships by maintaining
respect and also communicating
our feelings and expectations.
2.      Contempt
Treating the other one with disrespect, mocking
with sarcasm, ridicule, calling names, mimicking
or using body languages such as eye-rolling or
scoffing.
How to Manage - To repair the damage done
from contempt, one has to very consciously and
actively try and cultivate a culture of
appreciation and respect in the relationship. 
3.     Defensiveness
 
Typically a response to criticism, when
we feel unjustly accused. We look for
excuses and play victim so that our
partner will back off.
 
Take Responsibility. Respect your
partner's perspective. Acknowledge
where you went wrong and respect the
feedback you get from your partner..
4.     Stonewalling
Usually a response to contempt, Stonewalling
occurs when one partner withdraws from the
interaction, shuts down, and simply stops
responding to the other partner.
You might be hurt, so it's alright to take your time
off and get yourself back on pace. When you feel
calm, then speak to your partner.
When you see more negative in your relationship than positives, its time to
reflect or seek counselling for relationship that can help you in finding
and improving your communication style with your partner.
Reach out  
www.betterlyf.com
Online Counselling (Audio, Video, chat)