Listen, I’m not even going to pretend — I love my boobs. Like, genuinely obsessed. I’ll catch myself in the mirror, lift my top, give them a little jiggle and think, damn, these are a blessing. Sometimes I swear I stare at them more than my boyfriend does. It’s not vanity, it’s appreciation. These girls have been with me through thick and thin (literally), and they still sit there, round and perfect, like they know they’re hot. And lately? I’ve been wondering… how much do they weigh? I mean, they’re a handful and then some — surely that’s worth knowing.